If you remember, yesterday I talked about things that we are teaching our children without even realizing it.
I guess I should say that I was actually ranting but you’ll forgive me my flaws. I am after all human and as both a human and a parent I am allowed my foibles. Actually, parents are allowed to have many flaws and teaching children that we are as flawed as the next person is a great way to build family values. The whole, “If I’m not perfect, then you don’t have to be either.”
On the topic of those little eyes that are watching every mistake we make, parents should be aware of what their children are picking up. I could spout Piaget or Erikson but there are enough articles stating the psychological ramifications of parents’ actions. We know that children learn through observation. They watch, listen and touch to figure out the world around them and their place in it and they learn through the actions of their parents, regardless of what is said.
The old adage, “Do what I say and not as I do,” was never good advice and it still isn’t. So let’s look at some things you can do.
Pull out the old lessons about manners and use them. You remember those things your mother (or father) used to bark at you like a deranged drill sergeant. “Chew with your mouth closed,” “Elbows off the table,” “Show respect for your elders.” I’m sure that you bark those same lessons about everyday manners to your own children but without using them yourself, you success at teaching your children will be pretty low.
Show compassion for others. This can be done a number of ways and can really start at home with how you interact with your family and the respect and caring you give your spouse and your children. It can also start with simple things like helping out a friend in need or smiling at a stranger in the grocery store. You could also give change to someone needing it or opening a door for someone. Anything that shows that you are thinking about the needs of others and that you care enough to commit small acts of kindness. One note, however; is that you need to explain to your child that talking to strangers is dangerous and he or she should never talk to a stranger without your express permission or without you standing there.
Donate. Whether it’s your time or your money, donating will provide opportunities for you to demonstrate selflessness. This is an excellent way to build empathy and to bond with your child when you include him or her, but more on that tomorrow.
Key down the road rage…or any rage for that matter. I know that it can be hard, especially when you spend 20 minutes with some guy tailgaiting you only to have him pass and then cut you off. Giving into road rage sets an example for your children that it is okay to react with rage. If I had reacted to the woman with the shopping cart, see What are we teaching our kids?, by throwing my arms up and yelling, “You idiot! Why the heck don’t you watch where you are going?” I would have taught my children that you can be abusive and disrespectful to others. If there is no respect for others then you can’t expect empathy or compassion.
These are only a few tips and I will have more on what you can do with your child to build family values but until then; what tips do you have?
Sirena
